"Vacuums Aren't Our Thing... But Espionage Is."
Specializing in Hoover repairs, sideline video tech, and 600-page manifestos.
Have an old Dyson? We'll stack it on our front porch in Ann Arbor until the HOA sues us. We promise we aren't using the noise to cover up secret meetings.
We provide tickets to all your rivals' games. Includes a complimentary iPhone 15 with 4K zoom and a disguise kit (sunglasses and a Central Michigan polo).
Need to hide money? Or just confuse your star running back? We can file paperwork in Wyoming faster than you can say "I didn't sign that."
> YEAR 2026 PLAN: BECOME HEAD COACH
> CURRENT STATUS: UNEMPLOYED / SELLING VACUUMS ON AMAZON
> NOTE TO SELF: DELETE VENMO HISTORY FOR "GAME TICKETS"
> ERROR: NCAA_INVESTIGATION_DETECTED.EXE
[SYSTEM FAILURE: CHEATING DETECTED]
(We stopped counting in 2011 because let's be honest...)
"I have no idea what this company is. I just run the ball. Please stop asking me about vacuums."
- B. Corum (Alleged Co-Founder)
"This is the finest organization I've ever seen. The attention to detail on the sidelines is unmatched."
- J. Harbaugh (Sent from a burger joint)